In ’Never Normal, Never Perfect, Never Loved’, I moved the lens back and forth to depict the mental and emotional experience as well as typical behaviors of being one of the victims of Anorexia Nervosa (NA) when it was fiercest. I chose not to directly shoot skinny bodies, which may lead to misunderstandings that Anorexia is always accompanied by deformity and is far from a ‘normal’ life. That’s not the case, though.
People that are trapped by Anorexia are always two-faced. On one hand, they are eager to escape from this eating disorder. On the other hand, however, they are somehow addicted to the situation where everything seemed to be under-control. Conflicts tore them apart, pulling them gradually from ‘normal’ girls or boys who cared a little more about their figures to the cliff of mental disease. Longing for being loved and never satisfied about their body, they desperately attributes any social frustrations to the imperfection of their appearances. Thus, the fear of gaining weight gets so strong that it even overweights the fear of death.
As William Blake wrote,
“To see a World in a Grain of Sand,
And a Heaven in a Wild Flower”.
I believe abstract scenes and objects could be used to convey strong emotions. Therefore, metaphors are inserted throughout the narrative to underline specific mental stages: ruled, distorted, afraid, revealed, locked, failed...With rich details and the solemn atmosphere offered by 35mm black and white films, the project aims to offer family members, friends and those who cares about the victims of Anorexia an access to their inner sufferings.
Oct - Dec 2018